on milk

"hmmm, i think i want a cappucino. do you have non-fat milk?" uh, i'll go and check for you miss.
i then proceed to bring her a cappucino (and a NORMAL coffee for her male friend, the silent timid kind who always look apologetic for the strange mannerisms of their girlfriends).

Sorry, Miss, we don't have non-fat milk (because this is an italian restaurant and in italy they like their women FATFATFAT!). Do you still want this cappucino, or can i get you something else? Maybe a peppermint tea? (the most disgusting thing in the entire menu, it's sole purpose being to punish those neurotic non-fat milk people)

she looks horrified. (her male friend looks apologetic) as though she has never heard such an awful thing in her ENTIRE LIFE. as though God created non-fat milk producing cows, and then man (those sinners.) went and added fat (THE SCOURGE OF THE WORLD! PLAGUE OF PLAGUES!). Nevermind that calves everywhere would shrivel up and die if they had only non-fat milk, DONT YOU KNOW THAT... THAT OTHER MILK COULD MAKE ME GAIN 10 GRAMS?????

goodness what is "non fat milk" supposed to be anyway? its supposed to make you fat because its GOOD FOR YOU. let her try to feed her baby non-fat breast milk, let's see how long that lasts.

in the end, she just took the cappucino, while the male friend apologetically apologized to her (what?) and then to me (WHAT?) and then to himself (well, not really, but he was mumbling to the table, so maybe he thought the fat milk had offended its moral standards. now that i think of it, that table did look shorter. it must have shrunk 2 inches under the weight of the FAT milk) because i suppose he didnt know what else to do. yes, what can man do amidst such chaos? WHAT IS THE WORLD, SOLDIERS? HOW WILL I LIVE KNOWING MY CHILDREN WILL DRINK ONLY NORMAL OBESE-FRIENDLY MILK? non-fat milk indeed.