how dare you come to me now, when i am this.

school seems so dull without purposeful art. i guess i could always just draw something, but i probably wouldnt have the motivation to finish it. im not one for making things just for the sake of making them. maybe we could all be smart without school, but then so few of us would have the motivation to actually work towards educating ourselves, or doing something worthwhile with our lives.

yay, i love stories that are so childishly abstract that they mean something. alice in wonderland! spirited away! the last unicorn! okay, when i ask people to watch the last unicorn they give me weird looks, but i think the story is so nice. well, actually its quite cliche - unicorn goes to rescue other unicorns, cannotmakeit-wizard + disillusioned bandit woman join unicorn's quest, wizard turns unicorn into human girl to save her from unicorn-hating red bull, unicorn + handsome prince fall in love, unicorn in the end chooses not to be a girl and to turn back into unicorn to save all other unicorns. but theres all these little potent things, like how the unicorn doesnt have a name and how that reflects how she is not really an individual, like how the unicorn forgot what was important when she became a human, like how the disillusioned bandit woman had wanted to see a unicorn all her life but was angry at the unicorn when she finally met her because she was too beautiful and she was ashamed, like how the evil king tried to capture the unicorns because nothing else made him happy. i dont know. maybe i just like it because i grew up with it, one of those subconscious attachments that are imbedded from childhood.

when i watch movies like this, i kind of inwardly try to figure out which character i'd like to be the most. the cannotmakeit-wizard who is hopeless and yet so optimistic? the wise, sad and terribly beautiful unicorn whom everyone reveres? the disillusioned bandit woman who manages to leave everything behind and find something worthwhile? the brave prince who is not afraid of death? all these characters are so interesting but i think im more like the random peasant girl that you only see for a split-second gaping at the unicorn or skipping through a field, ignorant and insignificant. its difficult to accept that you are so ordinary.

She said, "I will go no farther."
"There is no choice. We can only go on."
The magician said again. "We can only go on."
... The Last Unicorn, Peter S. Beagle