howdoyoudo.blogspot.com

I am reading Surburban Mom (whose site, by the way, I found by keying in random blogger addresses) and HELP! IT'S FUNNY! So funny, in fact, that I feel compelled to share the love, yo.

On Improving the Modern Computer
1. (I am getting tired of saying this so now I have to shout it. That's right, compunerds, your complete and total lack of progress in this area has forced me to put my finger on the caps lock button. I am not joking around.) FIND A WAY TO GET MY COMPUTER TO DISPENSE SOFT DRINKS

5. Some of these keys on the keyboard are absolutely useless. I already have one F key, I do not need any additional F keys, let alone 10. Duh! Honestly, what are you people smoking? Scroll Lock? Never heard of it, have no idea what it does, never will. It goes!

7. Change the "helpful"-It-looks-like-you're-writing-a-letter paperclip to one Mr. Johnny Depp.

On Time's Person of the Year.
WOW! I'm Time's Person of the Year. WOW! I'm flabbergasted! Well, truthfully I should say I am not really all that surprised. Like it's not right outta the blue because let's face it I do do a lot. Really, when you consider all my accomplishments, who else could they pick. But still, I do want to thank some people. First and foremost I want to thank our heavenly father, God. I don't have an agent or any sort of representation, but if I did I would be thanking them. Of course, the publishers of Time magazine, thank you for recognizing my many achievments over the year -- it's good to be appreciated, but on this level, wow again! Thanks to my wonderful family for being the main recipient of my accomplishments. (Many of you are probably thinking wow, she is classy to thank her family for what she has done. YAH, hence the Person of the Year award). And thank you to you, Dear Reader (again classssss-y because what have you got to do with it, really?)

On The Historical Figure with Whom You Would Most Like to Have Dinner With
For me, right off the bat I am all "Wow, no question--Jesus". But then, if I take time to think about it, I realize it could actually be a very awkward dinner. Why? Well, for one, because I assume he'd be appearing in his own time, there'd be no way we would be able to share any pop culture references. I for example, could not really ask if he is at all bummed about "Friends" ending. So what I am saying is there's really no room for small talk, which as we all know is the social lubricant.

I am guessing there could be some uncomfortable silences at times.


Second, what if he started pouring wine, and i'd (if i were a 12 stepper) would have to be all, "No thanks, man, i don't drink". Are you telling me that would not be awkward!? Look, he's Jesus, so I know he wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but come on, it's always a bummer when one person is drinking and the other isn't.

I wonder what kind of dinner music he would put on. I would be so bummed out if it was Zamfir or Enya or something.

On being O-negative.
I have a fairly rare blood type -- O negative. We are the universal donors--we can give blood to anyone. But, we can only take our own. (Unlike the other rare blood type, AB, who can't give to anyone else but their own selfish, selfish kind, but who can take anyone's blood I might add, and I am sure do, at every opportunity. The takers!)

When I used to watch ER, I would always feel a small surge of pride knowing when in an emergency situation and one of the doctors called for a unit of O neg, that I, if I lived in Chicago, and had donated blood recently, and the patient had lived, and it wasn't a tv show, that I might have been responsible in some small way (who am I kidding, some small way! -- the total way, the whole, entire way) had been responsible for saving that fictional character's life! That's big people--really, really big. Let's face it, I'm a hero.

When you are a O neg blood donor (hero), you get a phone call the second your body is again available to donate blood. The SECOND. You're a big shot of the blood donating world; you're like a celebrity (not really, but you really should be). Some years ago I stopped donating blood for a while. Then I thought, man, I need to get back to saving the world. So I called up the Canadian Blood Donation service and let them know I was available again.

"O negative!?" the woman on the phone exclaimed, clearly delighted.

"Yes" I replied, trying to sound humble, but frankly who are we kidding.